Golden Rooster

A morning with a golden rooster is always a good morning. I've been thinking of compiling a series of postcards and here's one.

Good. Bad. True. False.

Yesterday's task from A Course in Miracles - the book I'm reading- said,
I'm upset because I see a meaningless world.

I see a ----- world, but I'm upset because I see a meaningless world.

I see an ignorant world, a chaotic world, a selfish world, a difficult world, a struggling world, a sick world, a surviving world, a suffering world, but I'm upset because I see a meaningless world.
The world actually is meaningless, devoid of any such inherent meaning. Just like my thoughts, these associations, these labels are my own.

In this inherently meaningless world I look for certainty, clarity, meaning on the outside - in books, horoscopes, opinions of those I perceive important, I rummage through the past and look for references and examples. I place people in my situation and myself in theirs, to look for what would be logical and acceptable and wise to do. In the Good World I percieve, I search for the Bad to prove the World truly Good and my perception correct. On coming across Good in the Bad World, I think them to be signs, miracles, or doubt my perception, and lead myself into utter confusion.

But the Truth is beyond both Good and Bad, because good and bad are things I've subjectively labelled onto things, people and occurrences. There may actually be Ultimate Good and Ultimate Bad or may not. But I'm not going to figure them out through my frivolous thoughts about a meaningless world.

This marvellous curious wine-tasting.

 (drawing made on September 12,2012)

Its been difficult lately, to look deeper inside. I had a feeling a few months ago that I was a better person. I was able to look out for my parents, be patient, calm and able to listen and absorb what was happening around me. I was blindly reacting less, and getting a sense of what it was that I'm here to do, when suddenly life took a turn. I was following all the advice, the signs I saw and  I walked onto a new road, a road that was going much faster. Don't ask me where it's going because if I knew I probably would be more comfortable on it. It's exciting, there's people with me, love and even tonnes of arrows pointing straight at the spongy grey clouds within, those things that prevent me from being true. There's the right amount of bait - work required, challenge with help - to keep on going, with equal amounts of difficulty.

Each day, I see more of the buzzy, fuzzy issues that keep me from sharing love, general love, with those around me. Comparison, Jealousy, Wanting attention in a particular way, Certainty, Safety and Expectations of Undying Commitment... these things that choke the flow of life and make it boring to live. These things that makes our friends our enemies; into people we need to be wary of and our loved ones into people who are out to get us. Each day I notice how my mother's worry has become my own but in its own distinctive way. You know, how mother's can worry endlessly when they don't know where you are and what you're doing - wondering if you are safe, or cooking up things like you don't care for them, or have abandoned them. OK, If you're mother doesn't feel like this, that's great. I have the same anxiety about friends and lovers.
This happened just when I thought, I was going the right direction, somewhere, somewhere over the rainbow.

A friend said to me the other day, "How do you know you are not in the right direction still? And what makes you think that you have regressed instead of progressed?"
My thought was "because it feels so uncomfortable and at times unmanageable. I react irrationally and sometimes I'm plain ridiculous. I lose sense of that space from which I can see things from, with more perspective, than just my limited hormonal or emotional one. Very often I'm caught in a bubble. A bubble-like state of being separating me from what is really happening. I'm peering out of it, everything looks warped, chaotic, Wrong. I take leaps into these uncomfortable places and doubt catches up on me. There is no way to be certain of anything"

There's no way to conclude what I'm talking about here. I'm just on a road. But there are a few words I wrote to a friend in a letter, which concluded that letter.

Nothing on this road is what I planned, or chose with my intelligent thinking. But I try to grasp it, understand it, analyze it, in some form of thinking so I can hold it and say - Look! this is what I've got. This is who I am. I forget that this is life's plan, with me.
Why you and I can share this even after we have enough reason not to care? It's because we share Love. Real Love which is for our brothers and sisters, co-travellers in the journey of life and most importantly our neighbours. All our friends, parents, random strangers, lovers are firstly our neighbours.

Love thy neighbour.

If I can only remember this when I'm facing a lover, my mother, the autorickshaw wala. I will remember, Love doesn't aim to possess but support and enable others on this marvellous curious wine-tasting called LIFE.

Reality is mostly like a hunter looking for a moment of vulnerability - Adyashanti.

The Guest House - Rumi

Buying my lottery ticket.

To be able to look beyond my comforts and needs even to merely execute a chore for Papa, to be able to work through discomfort, to think beyond myself requires great strength. In the presence of the Will to do so, the Way there wasn't clear and when I could see the way, the strength was wavering. Often I have failed my aim. Thank you for a glimpse into the way to this possibility.
As they say, to win the lottery one has to at least buy the ticket. Infinite Gratitude.

Kala Mandala 4,6 and 9

Riots of colour that began as playful peices to hang up in front of the bed. Something I like to see first up in the morning. Many petalled unfolding brightness containing one and all and many. An ongoing experiment. These are 4,6 and 9.
 Last year I made versions with people's names in the centre, people I missed and whose words I kept as reminders to keep working on myself, like a personal direct line to them. The one I made with Yusuf written in the centre is on the left side bar of this blog.

kala mandala : 

kala is time.

kalla is art.

mandala is that which surrounds the centre, a space, a way to organise.

Somewhere over the Rainbow

(click to listen to the song on youtube) 

Somewhere over the rainbow 
way up high
And the dreams that you dream of 
once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow 
blue birds fly
And the dreams that you dream of, 
dreams really do come true

Someday I'll wish upon a star, 
wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops is where you'll find me
Somewhere over the rainbow 
bluebirds fly
And the dreams that you dare to, 
oh why, oh why can't I?

Well I see trees of green and red roses too,
I'll watch then bloom for me and you
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world

One's daily life is the realisation of the ultimate reality

[excerpts from an email]

Knowing what to do is not enough, and even reading what I have to do many times over is not the same as doing it.

Confusion sometimes can be a step leading to clarity.

"Attaining this place, one's daily life is the realisation of the ultimate reality [genjokoan]. Attaining this place, our daily life is the realisation of the ultimate reality."

 

-To Forget the Self by Dogen Zenji in The Buddha and His Teachings.

Everyday questions from one's daily life have often helped unlock profound truths. Starting from Buddha finding sickness, death and asceticism on his journey on an average day. To disregard these events might not always be the wisest thing to do. However, if one is overwhelmed its not a fair place to think from, I agree. To be able to discern why the event is significant and what it teaches us, an ability to do so has to be developed through practice on a daily basis - the ability to see things as they are.
Yet, nothing is certain.

Zen says truth has nothing to do with authority, truth has nothing to do with tradition, truth has nothing to do with the past - truth is a radical, personal realization. You have to come to it.

Knowledge is certain; the search for personal knowing is very, very hazardous. Nobody can guarantee it. If you ask me if I can guarantee anything, I say I cannot guarantee you anything. I can only guarantee danger, that much is certain. I can only guarantee you a long adventure with every possibility of going astray and never reaching the goal. But one thing is certain: the very search will help you to grow.

I can guarantee only growth. Danger will be there, sacrifice will be there; you will be moving every day into the unknown, into the uncharted, and there will be no map to follow, no guide to follow. Yes, there are millions of dangers and you can go astray and you can get lost, but that is the only way one grows.

Insecurity is the only way to grow, to face danger is the only way to grow, to accept the challenge of the unknown is the only way to grow.

Osho Dang Dang Doko Dang Chapter 7