Thursday, January 31, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Virgo Horoscope(Aug 23 - Sep 22)
No matter how competent you are, you can suffer now if others don't recognize your contribution. Uncharacteristically, you might work even harder than normal to garner the attention you want. This, in turn, could make you may feel less romantic than usual. If you think you should be doing more, remember that it's inefficient to waste your energy on guilt. It's smarter to focus your attention on the love that is real.
I don't even know why this post should be public. I know what it means and that's what I really care about today. You know, we often hang on to the image of a person and why this person is so good for you. This weekend, I had conversations with people hanging onto someone they really like only (or more importantly) because they'd like a person such as MR. X in their lives. A said she hung onto a guy she knew since she was a kid only because she saw her being really happy in his family. Living with her Mr. X who did a and b and c for a living gave her story the setting she desired. Now, he is exotic- a tennis star who is extremely arrogant and very rarely happy. Who wouldn't want to be the one to pour some rainbow into his life? How often do we meet someone who is fairly stable, makes you comfortable, is friendly, funny and not afraid to talk and are able to like him? Now this kind of person often is the opposite of the exotic character we would like in our lives- you know the MBA kind, or a CA. I don't really find that very exciting, their salaries are just some numbers to me, a car and a suit doesn't matter too much. But we, (namely me) are too afraid to like someone who is not a weirdo. Its pretty sad. I would never admit of liking an accountant. Oh no! Why on earth! Is there no photographer, writer, musician, actor, dancer, poet, journalist, radio jockey, film maker left for us snobs of the highest arty farty order? I exaggerate... but not too much.
It felt good realizing this. And then my horoscope said:
It's smarter to focus your attention on the love that is real.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Akshay: you're really good at these - you can make a career out of them, if you want to.
Chamki: the dreams?
Akshay: you never know, you could become an overpaid prophet of dreams. i can sell visions and you can sell dreams. together we'll be merchants.
Chamki: merchants of menace?
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Last year's journal (2006) contains a letter I wrote to myself about the three types of guys who will always be around and the choice that I always make. I emailed it to myself in the future so that one day when I'm famous and still single, or broke and heart broken, or strangely arrange married I will find it my mailbox, be surprised at how wise I was even at such a delicate age. I'm not a fling person but post the one and only boyfriend long time ago there have been none who want to stand by me. Its either the I'm visiting your city- lets go for drinks- why don't you stay over. OR movies- pop corn- drink- why don't you stay over. OR common friend's party- drinking- why don't you stay over. Sometimes, walk on the beach- gin gola- why don't we meet again. Rarely walk down slope holding hands- a peck on the cheek. It used to be good- walk me home- I'll call you- meet at class- meet at a park- meet at the promenade- meet at the beach- meet again and again and again till peck on the cheek- drinks- movie- drink-why don't you stay over. But recently its been the most random men. Clueless. The last guy I was dating- rudigore- not ok. Should have looked for that ISI mark. Bloody hell, people make disorders, issues, fake ex-girlfriend's ditching them, do anything for saying no commitment full fun. I'm not a fling person I repeat. I'm not interested in someone who doesn't have a collective memory. Someone who has an attention span of 16 seconds can't really make conversation you know. And then this same Rudigore who fakes things from a to z goes on to say things about me to would be female victims that I'm thick. I quote- some women are beautiful, some are stupid but she is plain thick.
He is stupid enough to think I'm asleep and say this in the same room as me. Grow up and face your stuff I say! Then there is known stranger who only grows stranger by the day. I really don't care how small this internet world is but...the man is the master of mixed signals.If it wasn't for the school boy looks and the brightest laughter I wouldn't chase him.Hey! I'm not chasing him. Ok.. I'm bad at this as well. I'm bad at pretending I'm busy when I'm not and at being distracted when I'm not. I don't know why someone is worth my attention in the first place but I end one story to begin another usually so till clarity arrives I point my torch light and wait. I know I shouldn't be as silly as to calculate the marginal utility in every interaction with the opposite sex but it scares me that the other person is one step ahead of me almost playing me along. I was aware Rudigore was playing mindgames but I'd like him not to so I put trust on it. And trust is as complicated as trigonometry. I was always bad at maths so..
But yesterday I discovered this other guy...
Bertha and EG PC's work
EG PC Double Points video
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
I've also discovered I just love being busy from one thing to another. Yesterday was busy too. A party where few turned up and the booze was too much too handle. People who turned up on time were drunk by 8 and I don't even remember much of what I said. It is quite difficult to avoid your flatmate's house party.
Thank God its Monday!
Virgo Love Horoscope (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
Be careful about who you share your private thoughts with this weekend. You may feel safe unloading your emotions with someone who may not be as interested as you think. Try to stay on the positive side, especially if you're just getting to know someone and are interested in becoming closer.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
But the post, sadly, is not about this kind of insensitivity. Its about the sweet things that travel from my brain into your kitchen through the imaginary chimney on the left. Its about me unable to receive text messages missing rehearsal for a play I'm currently involved in. Its about walking in an autorickshaw who finally agreed to go to Mantri Classic in the dark corners of Bangalorian universe with 2 slippers on and walking out with just one of them. The other one slipped out when no one was watching, escaping the burden of its existence. And... its about fame:
We would like to extend an invite to you for Barkha's show, 'We the People' for this Saturday (12/01). The show is on the blogging culture in India. Largely, discussing the New Brave World Of Blogs. How something that was supposed to be a personal diary has now become a social phenomenon. What kind of influence do blogs have? Do we need an authority to govern and monitor blogs? and more...
Your views on the subject are of great value. Please let us know if this is possible.
yours quirky alone,
Thursday, January 10, 2008
I walked out of the house in my friend's slip ons instead of mine. His slip ons are size 9 and I usually, under very very normal circumstances wear a size 5. I'm at class unsuccessfully blogging at lunch hour about the looks I'm getting. My Dutch teachers think it must be an Indian thing to do, others think I do it to be cool, or hippie. Meanwhile my James' email says:
Sometimes D you will meet people who resent the light that comes from you.
pity pity pity
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
can be the longest night of
when you meet someone strange
in a strange way,
count the time from one airplane to
the next in kisses
and study the transfer of heat in hugs.
A not so full moon shines on two
holding hands on the wet roof.
Beer soaked pants and dry lips.
Sometimes a moment's magic is not in the moment but the words that describe it.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
General Weekly Love Horoscope
Tender feelings can be easily bruised this weekend as moods swing so fast that there's no time to explain them. The ups and downs of romance may undermine security in relationships, but a flexible attitude makes it possible to adjust quickly and maintain one's balance. Seek new experiences without shocking someone you love.
Thats all the love in my life. Not one email contains the word love, not one message, not one phone call. So my flatmates hear about it all the time. They think I'm the perfect candidate to star in How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days.So we got a copy and watched it. I've made notes even. I can't receive messages again and I'm glad this one time.There is a lot that has been happening. Too much to handle actually. From being subjected to a lot of gossip about people you know, about people you don't know- Bollywood gossip, to heading an institution called FOLA (frustrated one sided lovers association) to being gifted Tarot card decks, treats, wine, fights with parents, meeting up old friends, cursing all the friends who didn't meet me (plenty) and a pleasant walk around the area I live on New Year eve, I've done it all, in style and drama, TECHNICOLOUR I say.
Class has been great the past few days. I've been in a trance. I don't really know what I want to say about this but when I'm dancing some thoughts come to me. I can't say they are entirely mine because the music and the teachers influence them.
1. pretty things are not beautiful, they are a cluster of pretty things.
2. to please is easy. (I dont want to)
3. Extreme physical movement conditions you. Its addicting and you can have withdrawal symptoms.
4. european contemporary dance is like scribbling. it doesn't want to say anything meaningful. It doesn't want you to think over things, find symbols that relate to your everyday. It makes movement and thats it. It makes a space fluid, compact, thick and it plays with time, the only things present at the point of the performance. Its egoless, very conceptual.
5. light begins from dark.
6. i don't want what i wish for.
7. Writers make characters out of themselves in their real lives. Finding comfort in defining for themselves and those around what kind of person they are.
8. Two windows of a train are never the same shade of yellow.
9. I am (so much) better off writing my thoughts in a book then saying them aloud or texting them to random creatures of the night.
10. Candles with big flames look like they are crying.
11.I'm afraid of people who make promises.
12. I'm my best self alone. I've decided to be that way.
13. some nights in Bangalore are extremely cold. Almost unreal. On such nights if you go out cycling the only way to keep warm is to push your body to its extreme. The faster you go the colder your skin gets and gently a warmth rises somewhere within. This warmth is the only peace that can put you to sleep.
14. I see no glory in loneliness and pain.
Thats my number bulleted head for those of you who still wander about here. I'm seriously reconsidering the existence of this blog.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
a little less love ,